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I'm not going to argue in my own defense, because I feel it somewhat pointless. I've seen the posts, except the ones in the game, because I promised I wouldn't. What I did wasn't right. You're right. You're all right, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you, because it wasn't my intention, and I should have acted more appropriately. I should have thought through my actions, and I didn't, and I was disrespectful. I'm not expecting to be forgiven, and I know that's sinking to the lower bit of your priorities. I took too long to write a leaving post, so here it is, because you will hopefully read this.

I should have given more notice. I should have given notice in general. You guys are some of my best friends, and I acted inappropriately, and you feel that I betrayed you. And I don't know what to say that won't make you think that I'm feeling sorry for myself. I made a huge mistake. No one forced me into it, no one persuaded me. It was something that i did and take complete responsibility for, and I'm sorry for it.

I love you all, and I'm sorry that I hurt you.


( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 8th, 2006 09:29 pm (UTC)
I’m not going to forgive you yet. If and when depends entirely on whether or not you just killed the game. I want to know the why if you’re ever willing to tell it. It’s not like you ever complained about anything.

I’m not as mad as I want to be. I am hurt. I thought the lot of us were friends. Then you and Shing take out a fifth of the character base.

P.S Real mature forcing a defreind for all the journals. Cause nobody might want to go back and read them or anything.
Nov. 8th, 2006 09:46 pm (UTC)
You're right, I didn't complain about the game. I didn't go to the mods and tell them when I had problems, but on the whole I think it's because I told myself they weren't problems or that I'd get over them if there were. I worried that Glen was a sue, but I never admitted it. I didn't want to think that all of my characters were the same, but I guess they were. It was never my intention to take out the game. If I could go back 24 hours, I'd never have left, but I figure you know that by now.

I'm sorry I hurt you. I truly am. I didn't do it because I didn't think of you all as friends. Honestly, you and all of them are some of the best ones I've had. I got impulsive. I just did it and didn't give it more than a few hours of thought. And I should have.

P.S. I honestly hadn't thought of the consequences of doing it, because I didn't think that people looked back over them. I wasn't trying to be immature. I just wasn't thinking.
Nov. 8th, 2006 09:53 pm (UTC)
I just can't believe you were so rude. That's the thing. The rudeness. It's one thing to leave a game, but another thing completely not to even give any real reasons or write a leaving post. When everyone's supposed to be friends. I mean, who does that? Well, other than you, I mean.

Personally, I'm not hurt. I'm angry. I'm annoyed that my characters have interacted with yours and now that time and plot is just gone as quickly as that because you decided, on what appears to be a whim, to quit the game. And you have given me no reason to suppose that it was not a whim, because you updated characters the same day that you left. Seriously, WTF? What I am INCREDIBLY pissed off about, however, is the hurt, work and worry you've caused to other people that I care about. I cannot believe that you had the audacity to upset people like that. What did you think everyone was going to think about what you did? Jesus Christ, Maddie, Carmen and Erin have done so much work - as has EVERYONE IN THE GAME, but those three in particular - and you repay them by leaving without even writing a leaving post, without ANY NOTICE. That's just, I can't even express how out of order that was, and I genuinely didn't realise that you had it in you to be so thoughtless and nasty. Seriously, have a little maturity.

I don't really understand how you can say 'I love you all' when you've been so astonishingly thoughtless. I would ask you why you did it, but I don't want any bullshit excuses like the ones you gave me last night (and to be honest, it's only now upon rereading what you said that I've realised just how much crap you were talking). It's kind of a waste of time, just like the time I've spent rping with you, judging by yesterday's events. God, MA. You have disappointed me so much. There really isn't any use in your apologising, because it means nothing at all. At least, not in my opinion. Mark's too nice. I don't think I want to forgive this.
Nov. 8th, 2006 09:59 pm (UTC)
By the time I was going to write the post, I'd been taken out, which is completely my bad because I should have done it first and not done the other shit I was doing.

I understand what you've said, and I thank you for taking the time to write it all here for me. What I did was thoughtless, and rushed.
Nov. 8th, 2006 10:02 pm (UTC)
Okay. Thanks for recognising that, at least.
Nov. 8th, 2006 09:56 pm (UTC)
I'm really not angry anymore, because it looks like the game is going to pull through. People seem to be willing to make an effort to repair the damage that was done, and to keep hold of characters even though they'll have to start from scratch for them.

But I just want to say, that for as much as you and a few other people complained about A+A, that's really unfair. I've always thought it's unfair. A+A is their otp. Okay, so what? That's not something to get pissed off about, and unlike a lot of the characters in the game, they do have other things going on in their lives. Characters like Magdelena and Gladys had plot primarily with their partners, like... in that almost all of their in-game time is spent with them. Not to mention Gideon and Dorcas, which is not in RW, but in other games. When you guys talked about A+A so much, it really upset Maddie and Jamie. Like -- really. I don't know how many times Maddie has IMed me saying that she and Jamie were thinking about dropping A+A from RW because of it. Because of you guys being so judgmental about that pairing. There's really no room for you or anyone to talk there, everyone in the game has characters in relationships, and A+A is probably the single most developed and realistic pairing IN the game.

Anyway, that's I all I had to say. I'm not that worried about Severus, so long as Sebastian stays in the game. But the fact is that when you made characters, they were almost always one half of a mutually dependent relationship with other characters. To pull them all at once means a LOT of other characters are probably going to drop, too. Characters like Otto won't have much to do anymore, Molly either. That's just a real shame, I think. And if you honestly think that you dropping isn't going to break the game, I just want to say that it might. It really might. I hope to God that it doesn't, but there's no way to tell at this point.
Nov. 8th, 2006 10:05 pm (UTC)
I'm glad the game is going to pull through. At one point yesterday, before I think it really hit home, you said something nice to me about coming back if I wanted to. I know that invitation is not there anymore, and I understand why. I've broken a lot of trust, and I know you can't trust me anymore.

I had no idea that I had that effect, I really really didn't, and if I'd know I would have dropped Glen. I honestly didn't think she was a Sue, and the changes that you sent me for her, I was going to make. I honestly didn't know that bit, and there's really nothing that I can say that will make up for what I've done. Saying I'm sorry isn't enough, and I know that.

If there was something I could do, I would. If I could take it back, I would, but I know I can't, and I know that there's no reason I should be given that chance anyway. I'm sorry for what I've done to all of you.
Nov. 8th, 2006 10:11 pm (UTC)
And thank you for taking the time to write it all here. I really do appreciate it.
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 8th, 2006 10:48 pm (UTC)
He is, thanks.
Feb. 6th, 2007 01:28 am (UTC)
*wibbles and pouts*

I haven't seen you on AIM in forever. I miss chatting with you! *CLINGS* Hopefully I'll catch you soon.

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )