These are the mornings I wish I was still a student working in the Event Planning Office. I've been here less than half an hour and I am dangerously close to the edge of tears. The only ONLY thing that is consoling me is that this moment cannot last forever, that it can't be as bad as I'm making it out to be, and that tonight I will get so drunk I won't wake up until 2:00 the next day. I have never gone drinking to get drunk. It's typically against my policy. But tonight I will make an exception. Because it's the only thing that's forcing the tears back.
New jobs are tough. I understand this. I understand that teaching people what to do is tough too. I realize that this is an independent job, that I'm responsible for doing a lot on my own, getting it right, not having to go to my supervisor. And I understand also that the people who are responsible for training me have trained two others before me, and that this is their third time and they are probably fucking tired of it. But what I would really appreciate is a little credit. This is an entirely new situation for me, in every respect. I feel I have been flexible enough so far to get what I need done, and for what I don't know or understand, I ask. Because questions are good. Questions means I'm not going to follow my first instinct in a building I have been in in less than a week. Questions mean you won't have to clean up after me. Questions mean you won't have to go to me after I've messed up, because there is less of a chance of me messing up. I'm sorry I don't always know who to call about things. I'm sorry I don't know how to fix the copier, or who I should call to get a new part, or that I should call into X company to schedule a training session. This week is supposed to be my training session. Amount of training I have received as of yet: NONE. I'm winging it. And so far I think I'm doing a damn good job, considering the situation. I need guidance and I'm not getting any of it. My ONLY OTHER consolation is that I have to go to the main office to turn in my timesheet, and my official manager will be there. He's so understanding and kind and patient, I wish I was working in that building with him. No one seems to have the patience to listen to me, to train me, to show me the ropes. And it's breaking through my defenses to make me cry. I have no office. I have no phone. I have emails that people will open but will not respond to, and it's making me crazy and upset. And SOMEHOW, this is all my fault.
I didn't come in this morning dreading the work day. Now I don't know how to get through it. But I WILL get through it. I will learn all the things I have to know. I will do what is asked of me. And I will do it with a smile and all the patience God decides to give me.
I’ve never been fond of Mr. O’Reilly. And this only fuels my black hole of fondness for him. In the Tuesday election, two of the ballot measures addressed handgun ownership and military recruitment at schools. This was O’Reilly’s reaction (to be fair, it was on his own radio show): “If you want to ban military recruiting, fine. But I’m not going to give you another nickel of federal money. If I’m the president of the United States, I walk right into Union Square, I set up my little presidential podium and I say, ‘Listen, citizens of San Francisco, if you vote against military recruiting, you’re not going to get another nickel in federal funds. If Al Qaeda comes in here and blows you up, we’re not going to do anything about it. We’re going to say, ‘Look, every other place in
What, exactly, is this man’s problem? You know what I have noticed? I’ve noticed a few correlations. I’ve noticed that the ones who say they are against all terrorists are the ones calling for destruction. Buchanan called for the death of the Venezuelan leader, the same man who less than half a year later sent aid to us when hurricane Katrina hit. The ones who are so quick to blame others for thinking liberally and calling us unpatriotic are the ones who are not doing a hot job with the power they have. Other countries are looking at people like O’Reilly and thinking he’s representative of the whole country. They probably think that already with Bush as our president. Where does all this hatred come from? Hatred that makes you PUBLICLY call for the death of another person? And yet all of these people are still allowed on the air to speak freely. And of course, why shouldn’t they? They have no need to restrain themselves. They haven’t gotten called on it yet, and why would they now? But you know what? I call O’Reilly unpatriotic for that statement that he made. Welcome to the
So my day has actually taken a turn for the better. The people I thought didn’t like me seem to have become more open. Miraculously. I decided to leave the rant in under a cut because I can’t ignore that I felt that way before. this morning and I was seriously staring into my computer crying. But the moment lasted for only a moment and not for hours and hours or days or weeks. I’m finding the balance between asking too many questions and not enough. Takes time, I knew it did. I think people warmed up to me. My boss is kicking ass telling people around campus to connect with me. All is well, and only one hour until I get to go home and we will spend the evening blissfully.
I hope you all have a nice weekend. I will check my email (not that I will receive any) but otherwise will stay the hell away from my computer. J