mary anne. (rugbybaby) wrote,
mary anne.

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I have quite honestly been watching this one pidgeon go from the roof of my house to the roof of the house across the street, where they have a little attic with an overhang that s/he can hide under for shelter.  It reminds me of those crazy episodes in movies where a person is going on multiple dates on the same night because s/he was too stupid to just call and postpone one of them.  So the person sits with one date for ten minutes, excuses him/herself to go to the restroom, trots to the other side of the restaurant for ten minutes, then goes back.  Maybe the pidgeon is having an affair with another pidgeon and flying in between  houses every five seconds to assure each pidgeon that s/he is the only one in his/her life.  Or maybe one of the houses is kind of like a fortress of solitude to get away from the nagging spouse for a smoke.

Incredibly random, I know.  But when else will I be able to sit here with my wireless Internet and just spew?

Lest you think that all I was doing for fifteen minutes was watching this bird fly in between houses, I was actually writing a post on my xanga.  I rarely do that, mostly because a lot of the people on xanga I haven't talked to for a while and I don't know how they feel about me.  One of them defriended me, which take some conscious effort, I feel.  Actually, a lot of the post is about college, so you're welcome to read it.  I didn't put it here because it's long and laced with stuff about me screwing up.  My name there is the same as here, so feel free.  I'd post a link, but that sounds difficult and long and you probably aren't interested, anyway.

I feel like I post a lot on here about Scott.  Well, not so much that I post a lot about him, but what little I do post is about him.  Mainly because he is a big source of happiness for me and I like new things with a tendency to not appreciate the not-so-new things like good friends.

To be honest, I'm not sure where Scott and I are at right now.  We all know my troubles with relationships, and even if you don't, suffice it to say that... romantic relationships are not my strong point.  Nor do they need to be, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that a little extra luck in that area wouldn't hurt.  I wonder if I'm closing off too fast in reaction to his reaction.  I probably am.  But at the same time I have to be practical and realistic and know what I can and cannot handle.  Otherwise I haven't learned a damn thing from my romantic experiences from the last three years, and that would truly be misfortunate.  Kind of a waste of time, too.

This said, things may turn out all right.  I have some hints that I shouldn't be terribly concerned, and the thing is that I'm not really concerned.  I have enough to be concerned about.  I'm turning a little apathetic.  But this is mostly because the next two weeks I will be doing more than ever before.  Thesis, Chicago, presentations, successfully getting out of here.  Damn I still have to mail out my graduation announcements.  See?  It's crazy.  This is the calm before the storm.  I can see the clouds coming over the hills now, with a slight breeze in the air.  The smell of rain.

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