November 2nd, 2005

dorcas is my muse.

(no subject)

It is official. Friday is my last day at the bookstore. To tell the truth, I'm a little sad about that. I will miss my new friends, and I doubt that I'll be able to see them or hear from them much. But alas, it is time to move on, and I know I will greatly appreciate my weekends of relaxation. Or "relaxation" I suppose. I'm probably going to need it.

My room is such a mess. I haven't attempted cleaning it in months, it seems. Right around the time when all the crap landed in there. I suppose I haven't noticed the problem because I haven't slept in that bed for quite a while. But the time is now. I have a lot to do this weekend anyway, but I don't have a choice. I must get in there and find some work clothes. MUST FIND NICE CLOTHES. Because I don't have much, but what I do have I will use over and over and over again.

I've noticed that I feel more of a need to protect the relationships I have now. Not the family ones. Screw those. They were gone way before I had any say. Friendships. More precious than before, and I don't really know why. Which could cause some problems. Where is the line drawn? How do I know if the friendship isn't worth it? You try and try and try, and in the end you tried for nothing, though I suppose you gain peace of mind. I'm sad about the loss of some friendships, but there are a few I don't seem to care much about.

A few of my friends, the ones I've been friends with for quite a long time, also expressed... extra concern about my relationship with Scott, among other things. And what with the shit I had to deal with at the time, that was the last thing I needed. But I took it because I love my friends, even though they didn't always agree with me. And we all got over it all right, though some friendships have thinned. I'm going to make sure I do what I need to do.

I made brownies tonight. It's my coworker John's birthday tomorrow. The girl I work with suggested I bake cupcakes. But I like brownies. So I made brownies. I have to make cookies for work on Friday, for my last day. Oo, it's my cousin Paul's birthday too. I should make him cookies too. This is a dreadful pattern, isn't it? Bake and bake and bake. My three boys don't much mind.

Good night. Need sleep to decorate brownies tomorrow morning.
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