July 6th, 2005

dorcas is my muse.

Wow this rant turned into more than I thought it would

I know I usually start my updates with the phrase "I know I haven't written in a while..."  Because I don't really want to start into a post without, I don't know, apologizing in some way.  Because I apologize a lot.  So this time I'm not going to start with that, because it's fairly obvious.  Thing is, I really don't have that much to talk about in my life.  It's fairly routine now, so why bother?  Even the dramatic events are so 8th grade that I tend to not want to post them because, well, just because.

I do, however, post in the form of a rant more often than not, which is what this will be, so consider yourself forewarned.

I have to say I'm a little confused about what Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger's state budget was in the end.  This is partially due to the media's ineptness.  I'm not blaming everyone in the media.  Let me explain, as I am a member of said media, and I don't think we could live without them.  But no one could really pin down exactly what the budget plan was and who wanted what.  So I went to bed last night incredibly upset at the idea that my chosen career path was a dud.  Let's get the message right and clear, kids.  We've seen what happens to those who can't do both at the same time.  And yes it's hard.  But if you don't know all the information, that's why you ask questions.

Before I go any further, here is a link to the Governor's budget plan.  Last night I heard that the agreement between the Governor and the legislative leaders was reached, and no money was going into education.

This year was incredibly difficult for me.  Mostly because I didn't know what the hell I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and that's kind of what senior year in college is for.  For you to find your beloved niche.  And I was having trouble with that.  It caused me a lot of sleepless nights and a hell of a lot of worry.  And then I found the perfect job for me: school psychologist.  A school psychologist is NOT a counselor.  Rather, a school psychologist works for either a school or two or a district (and thus the schools in the district).  This person's role is to test children for disorders, mainly for learning and emotional problems.  The school psychologist then works with teachers to help the child through the disorder.  This requires a lot of patience, as teachers don't really like being told what to do, and no one listens to them, and how can they change their entire classroom to suit one child's needs?  That's what the job is for.  To listen to teachers and work with them.  And to try to help children so they don't have to deal with the same problems during their high school and college years.
I can't tell you how many friends and loved ones have come out of elementary school and middle school with undetected disorders.  These disorders lower their performance, so teachers just think the students aren't trying or aren't smart enough.  And then it comes out in high school and college.  BAM.  Now what can you do?  I'm not blaming anyone.  I'm saying that's what the school psychologist is there to help with.  I want to be a school psychologist and work to help find these disorders while the children are still young.  I want to help teachers with their classrooms.  We are educating the next generation, after all.

My mother has been all-out shoving me into that direction.  The pay is good.  The benefits are excellent.  And only 3% of people with degrees in psychology pursue school psychology.  It's perfect.  I was talking with a school psychologist who would help me get in there.  Life was good.

Last night I all but cracked.  The news on almost every television channel was saying how wondrous it was to finally have our state budget, but that no money was going to pay schools back for the $2 billion the Governor took from education.  The $2 billion he promised to pay back.  Gone.  GONE.

My mother was freaked out all night after that.  I just kept thinking, "What the fuck is he doing?  Does he not see schools closing all around him?"  Two years ago, one of my mother's best friends became principal of an elementary school that closed at the end of the year.  Last year she was principal of another school, and that school closed at the end of this year.  My mother has been fighting hard to keep all of her teachers and staff members.  Very few schools can afford their own school psychologist.  More often than not, they get a school psychologist one day a week from the district.  That means the school psychologist has five schools, and goes to one a day.  And how many of you want to pursue a career in education?  How many people do you know who want to become educators?  Thought so.

Just before bed, my mother told me to drop school psychology.  She told me it wasn't secure.  It wasn't worth it.  It was a lost cause.  I ended up not sleeping much last night.  My dream had just been shattered.  I called Scott, who was still awake and expecting my near-hysterical phone call.

Now it seems that $3 billion is going to education, but Democrats are saying that it should be $5 billion.  I'm scared.  But I'm not powerless.  I will get a PhD or PsiD so that I have the credential necessary to be a school psychologist.  And I will do what I have to do to get it done.

I watched Lewis Black last night.  He was talking about leaders like Bush and Clinton.  He said people who thought they were leaders also thought their principals were leaders.  Let me interpret this, if I may.  My interpretation is that some people agree with their leaders and believe that they are leaders.  But they believe in them too closely and don't question them.  And then we get screwed over.  Then the President starts talking about Iraq instead of Afghanistan.  At first we wonder, you know, maybe he just doesn't know the difference.  Maybe we weren't listening correctly, because to our ears, Iraq and Afghanistan are like a pot of petunias and a sperm whale.  But no, he wasn't making a mistake.  We were going to Iraq for terrorism/weapons of mass destruction/spreading democracy/settling the Middle East/oil.  No wonder Rumsfeld said we might be in Iraq for another 10 years.

I need to watch my blood pressure.

The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is the only thing getting me through.
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