April 26th, 2005

dorcas is my muse.

RIP Boris Nikita Milosovich Sonofabitch

Why is it that on a day that something horrible happens is also when all of these damned emotional shows come on to make me feel like a sissy and make me cry my eyes out?

So my beloved Boris is dead.  He died of old age (I hope).  I'd like to think he lived a good life.

He's been with me since the beginning of my junior year.  He was my first official pet.  My ex and I used to call him our little child (stupid, I know, but that was back when we were in love and he hadn't cheated on me yet).  He's been with me through it alll.  I can't tell you how many nights the only comforting sound was Boris running in his wheel.

My thesis advisor had to put her cat to sleep this morning.  Her cats are like children to her and her husband, so if I'm like this with Boris, imagine them.  But at least the cat isn't suffering anymore.

Always bring up the topic of death, a topic that upsets me more than anything else, including the future.  Boris and Katia dying brings up the idea of my own puppy, Casey, dying.  I can't imagine going home and her not being there to greet me at the door.  Spreads to humans too.

I was watching Judging Amy today (as class was cancelled) and in the show, Amy's brother was taking an airplane to San Francisco to be with his sick wife.  And me, in my mopey state, likened it to the day I had to drive Jude to the airport so he could fly away to New Zealand.  And if you know me, you know that made the tears come out that much faster.  It makes me wonder how long it will take to get over the pain.  It's been over two years.

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