April 8th, 2005

dorcas is my muse.

If I could be a superhero

Well, I guess I should say something.


Working on senior thesis.  I know everyone did this already, but damn.  Just this afternoon I turned in my annotated bibliography for senior thesis (right on time, I might add).  I love my senior thesis.  I think I'm really going to enjoy it.  Catholic feminism.  Just think about that.  Feminism and religion.  Feminist theology.  It's great stuff.  The crazy stuff some people say about women and the Church.

Hmm, what else...  Other classes are going well.  I have a killer schedule for once.  Money, as always, is an issue, so I work as much as I can while spending as much time at home as possible.  Easier said than done.

I haven't been talking to a lot of people I usually talk to.  Which I feel kind of bad about, in a way.  I would really hate to cut ties so near the end of college.  Not like this is forever or anything.  Or that ties are being officially cut.  As a communication scholar, I know better than that.  You can't just end relationships without talking.  I've done that too many times and lay awake at night staring at the ceiling wondering what happened to them.  I know something has to be said.  I'm just tired of trying at the moment.  Talking to some friends just frustrates me more.  I think what gets me the most is that I have to deal with it when I'm with my cousin William, because all he does is criticize my life.  So I'm not severing anything.  I'm just taking a little break to concentrate on those things that make me happy.  When friends aren't making you happy, there's something wrong there.  So I need some time to think.

I dunno.  Things are good.  I have a man I absolutely adore.  It's like having a big puppy dog follow you around.  He hasn't met a lot of my friends yet, and certainly not my cousin William.  I guess it's because of how some people (friends as cited above) have reacted to just hearing about him.  Moving too fast.  I'm too needy.  My first reaction is: bullshit.  My next reaction, guided by Carrie, would be to say I don't care even if it's true.  But I think sometimes I'm a little paranoid.  Maybe they're right, in some sense.  And you know how significant others tend to share your opinions of people just by knowing your opinion?  I don't want that to happen.  Either he will be bitter with them (he kinda is now) or he'll think I'm nuts and leave.  Regardless, I'm just scared.

I still abhor talking about the future.  I hate talking about Monday.  And I'm tired, so I'm going to bed.  Good night.

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