February 20th, 2005

dorcas is my muse.

May the rebounding continue

Sunday morning in the booth.  My consolation: NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!

So I thought I would be sneaky and bring my laptop here to the booth instead of using the uber-slow desktop.  Except apparently the school's wireless network doesn't extend to the booth.  WTF?!?!  I could just take out the ethernet cord and plug my computer in.  Hmm, I might consider that.  I did bring the laptop, after all, and all the documents I want to work on are on the computer.

Yesterday was quite possibly one of the most emotional days I have ever had.  It reminded me of how this is the best year I have had.  From the beginning of summer up until now is the happiest I have ever been.  I have achieved more than I ever thought possible.  I will look back at this time and smile.  I will smile when I see the ticket from yesterday's basketball game.  I'll smile when I see my new shirt.  I'll even smile when I see the red roses in the vase on the kitchen table (except for that one red rose from the ex).

We got a call from my uncle last night.  My parents and I were sure that it was my grandfather, since he's been having so many health problems as of late.  Just last week, he was in the hospital for pneumonia.  However, he's come home since then and seems to be all right.  But the night before last, my great-Aunt Kay was rushed to the emergency room because she was complaining of chest pain.  Her main artery was 80% blocked.  I went to see her last night.  Everything's falling apart at once.  I don't know what I would do if I lost her now.

So Angel is away.  Somehow it didn't hit me as hard as I thought it would.  Actually, I think most people are wondering why I'm not breaking down, as I do so very often with little stimulus.  To be honest, I'm not sure why.  And, if I know myself at all, it probably won't hit for a few more days at least, which you would think would mean that I would steer clear of trouble until that is over.  But, as Davina has clearly stated, I rebound a lot, perhaps to save me the trouble.  I know it gets me into trouble later on.  And I was going to try to slow down.  Until yesterday.

You know that song "Wish I" by Jem?  Well, if you don't, I'm sure you can get the gist.  Angel has such a great opportunity in Sicily, and I'm glad he's taking it up.  I've tried to be nothing but optimistic.  Tuesday the news was such a blow after a semi-bad Valentine's Day.  I wish I could be there with him, touring around old villages and attending Latin masses in ornate cathedrals and walking along the countryside.  I wish I could be there with him, period.  But alas, I cannot.  And a year is a long time. We've both acknowledged this.  He's too old to get bogged down by stupid promises, and I've had too many bittersweet relationships to try to make a long-distance relationship work after only knowing him for less than four months.

ANYWAY I'm sure you're all bored and such by this odd entry.  I have to get working on my story.  My editor still thinks I'm nuts.  She just joined the crowd. 

Have a stellar day.

  • Current Music
    "Where the streets have no name" by U2