February 3rd, 2005

dorcas is my muse.

(no subject)

I have quite a busy weekend planned for myself. It's good to keep busy. I think.

It just kills me to see people depressed. Now I know how my friends felt this summer. The ones that kill me the most are the ones who quietly ask to spend time with me, the ones who don't snap at me by saying I don't spend time with them. The only way I know to keep myself sane it to keep running around and doing what I'm doing now. If I stop, I go crazy. That's why, even though I complain night and day about it, I love keeping busy, and I need it.

My cousin is not faring well, and I don't know what to do. I wish I could help him with this. Isn't that what psychologists are for? Don't answer that. If you know me, you know I wouldn't generalize like that. I'm glad he feels open enough with me to talk to me about his problems. I just feel so powerless to help him. Except I didn't let him buy a book about psychological methods of help. I'm not that far gone. I wish there was something I could do. But there just aren't enough hours in the day, and his options aren't looking too good.

A few of my other friends are showing signs of breaking down. And it happens. But for the most part, there's nothing I can do about it. I wish to God I could. I wish I could take their pain and make it my own, just as I do now, except have them not be in pain.

Right now I'm having the best time ever. I have good classes, great friends, awesome jobs, a wonderful house. I'm doing all the things I've wanted since freshman year. I even have school spirit. Go figure.

I just can't be happy with them.
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