December 21st, 2004

dorcas is my muse.

Work Work Work

What do I have to look forward to the day after we get back from Tahoe?  Work.  Work work work.  *yawn*

Ah well.  I had a great weekend in Tahoe.  Got to touch snow.  Got to hit someone with snow.  Got hit by someone with snow.  I like snow.

I feel like Christmas is over.  I don't know how to explain it.  I think, after sending out all my Christmas cards, it's just been a while since I've felt that it is indeed Christmas.  And I should realize this kinda soon, because Christmas in kinda in less than a week.  Oops.  I think it's the lack of talking about Christmas, the lack of being at home with a Christmas tree and all the bags and boxes of presents my mother gets from her staff and teachers.  Maybe it's because I haven't really done any Christmas shopping yet.  Which will be remedied this afternoon after I get off of work.  In all likelihood, though, I won't buy a damn thing.  Maybe I will.  I hope I do.  This is why I go shopping with people: for motivation.

I understand that I haven't been around much for friends.  I haven't really been around for anyone.  Right about now I'm actually kinda scared.  I have GRE on Monday, and I have to work on my grad school applications and letters of recommendation and get those finished by the time school starts again.  And really, I shouldn't complain.  Most people have already sent out their apps and letters of recommendation, and they did it WHILE taking classes, as opposed to during the break.

Things are getting a little more serious with Angel.  Over the weekend while I was in Tahoe, I used my time to think things through.  Part of me is saying that I shouldn't move too fast.  I'm taking Susana's advice on that one.  At least, I'm trying.  Maybe I'm thinking too much about this.  I know I'm thinking too much about this.  Each time we talk on the phone, I wonder why he's calling me.  Why does he want to hang out with me?  I'm not really fun to be around, I haven't been fun to be around for quite some time, as I've noticed.  I've been grumpy and irritable for the past six months.  I have a lot of self-esteem issues, especially as of late.  I'm not going to go into it.  I'm boring and hopeless and don't have anything to contribute.  And this guy is just kinda amazing.  He's funny and really attractive and smart and just really nice.  He wants to spend time together.  He called me while I was in Tahoe just to see how I was doing.  We're going shopping today because neither one of us wants to go, then going to his place to watch movies.  He wants to take me and my parents to his cabin in Tahoe the week after Christmas.  I'm still in shell shock.

  • Current Music
    Poppy Christmas Music