August 9th, 2004

dorcas is my muse.

(no subject)

I haven't written much in here in a while.  I still Xanga, and I'll try to cross post.  Ironically, I'll probaby post a little more in here and a little less in there.  Much more of it is personal and I don't want the kids to read part of it.  And I could make it private.  I guess I just don't want to.

I'm the only one in the office at the moment. Everyone is on vacation or went to mass or is out to lunch. Except me. Which is kind of nice because I enjoy the time alone. I get to listen to my music and there aren't many phone calls or people coming in. It's been a busy day already. Now I think it's going to cool down a little. I kind of want something to eat. Or drink. But I have no more money on my card and I really shouldn't pull any more money out of my bank account. So maybe after I finish writing this, I won't be hungry or thirsty anymore.

This weekend was kind of just what I needed. Some time away. With people I love to be with. And sometimes I feel like I'm around people too much, that I just need to get away. And that's when I think that getting on a train is a great idea. I didn't really feel it that much this weekend, which was nice. Except that there was a boat on the horizon that looked very inviting. But that's because I like boats.

It's kind of funny. I was fairly active this weekend, attempting to boogie board (and swallowing half of the ocean in the process) and such. Lots of walks. I like walking. And I like talking. Because talking is fun. But after a while... I needed to move. Irony is when you don't join the hot tub but spend almost the entire next day at the beach in the ocean. I think that's why I sometimes have mixed feelings about parties. There's only so long I can just sit around talking and listening, unless it's someone I haven't talked to in a long time or something. Like Carrie. Ah, Carrie. The ocean was calling, what could I do?

I think that's part of the reason as to why I was so all over the place in July. I didn't have as much as I am used to having on my plate. Because if I stop spinning, I fall. I've grown too soft, in a way. And sometimes that's not a bad thing. Because it's nice to be that way with friends. But I can't let that little part keep nagging me or I don't know how I'll get by. I'm just going to have to try and see where the waters lead me.

Dammit, I still want a soda.  Maybe a muffin.  Hope you had a good first day at work, Carrie.  Sorry I haven't called you, Jason.  Mmm, cookie.

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